On Spending the Weekend Alone, or what I’ve been doing instead of writing

On Spending the Weekend Alone, or what I’ve been doing instead of writing

I’m writing this in late October, on a Friday at about 10 pm. I haven’t written much lately, because I’ve been wishing I was doing something else. Hanging out with friends definitely makes the top of the list. Or it would make the top of the list if there were a lot of friends out here.

I suppose I should start a bit earlier. When I talked about letting go of fear in kendo, I started to become more self-confident, and this has led to me rekindling some old friendships and reaching out to new people. It’s also led to me learning some things about…well, being human and how to better deal with life in general that I only wish I had learned sooner. I’ve been more willing to talk with people and even make my views on topics known, which has sometimes been good and sometimes bad.

While I’ve been reaching out to people, I’ve also started to realize that I need to put myself out into the world more. This may sound a little crazy when this blog has been all about what I’ve been doing out in the world, but there’s a difference between being a visitor for a day or so and actually forming lasting relationships. The problem is that, while I have quite a few people that I know now, I haven’t really formed a lot of friendships.

If you were to ask me why that is, I could offer a lot of reasons. I could tell you that I have drastically different hobbies than most of the people around here. I have nothing against watching stock car races or snowmobiling or dirt biking or hitting the bar on the weekend, but my tastes run toward things like comic books, board games, role-playing games and martial arts. I could tell you that timing is a big part of it. I’m usually out of town during the quarterly events when the Rochester Gaming Club has their open game day, and that when I’m up in Rochester for kendo the used bookstore/gaming store/comic book store is closed. I could tell you that my efforts to invite people over have so far crashed and burned, where one group of people I invited over decided not to show up and decided not to tell me about it. However, a large part of it has been my decisions. Sometimes I’m fine with being alone. Sometimes I really don’t want to get out and meet new people because I don’t know how they’ll think of me, which isn’t easy to admit.

But for right now, there aren’t a lot of people around. Family is off visiting, working, or having fun with their girlfriends or wives. Most of my online friends are out getting ready to travel or going out to clubs. And I’m sitting here feeling a bit lonely, honestly. I’m not trying to gain anyone’s sympathy, because by the time this is posted I’ll be feeling  better. Actually, I’m feeling better even as I’m writing this. That’s one of the good things about loneliness—just reaching out is enough to make it go away. The bad part is once you realize you’re in a situation where you are lonely and you realize your list of friends is a little thin, you have to put in some effort to change it. Actually, you have to put in a lot of effort, especially if you aren’t used to it.

So this is why I haven’t been writing on this blog a lot. I will get back to it. There are more things I want to touch on, but I want this blog to be part of me putting myself out into the world. Hopefully future posts will reflect that.